Always a Bridesmaid?

Chismosa 1 here, and I'm going to be ranting writing about weddings (haha, we all know how stressful weddings can be). I was asked to be the moh (maid of honor) at an upcoming wedding being planned in only 4-5 months. Craaazy! But I love the bride very much. She's done so much for me and is such a wonderful person that I said yes. But that's what I want to write about first.

Should you always agree to be in a wedding party?
The quick answer is no. The long answer, read on.

A lot of girls I know quickly agree to be a bridesmaid because they feel honored and they get to pick a dress. But they don't know the duties of a bridesmaid. They don't even know there are duties. If every chismosa thinks through what is asked of a bridesmaid, we'd all think before we answer.

I'm going to boil down the bridesmaids duties into these five things. Ready?

1. Initiative

2. Time

3. Energy

4. Money

5. Emotional Support

One of the biggest things a bridesmaid must have is initiative. That is so crucial because planning a wedding is a HUGE task, especially without a do-it-all wedding planner. There are so many things to do, from something little like stuffing envelopes to big things like finding dresses. The bride will have a hard time keeping track of it all. Bridesmaids must help, but they must take the initiative to approach the bride and offer that help. They can't just sit and wait until they are asked.

A tip? Be specific. Don't ask the bride or whoever is planning the wedding, "What can I do?" Ask questions like, "Can I help stuff envelopes? Can I help put together the centerpieces/favors? Can I help start looking for bridesmaid dresses? What are your dress style preferences?" Many things can be accomplished with just a little initiative from every bridesmaid.

Being a bridesmaid requires time, not just during the rehearsal or actual day. You're going to be spending your time helping out with wedding details, planning, co-hosting and attending every bridal function, looking for and trying out bridesmaid dresses, and just being there for the bride.

Time usually goes hand in hand with energy, but with bridesmaids, there's a lot of energy needed. You do need energy for all your duties, but you also need energy to get the party started! Yes, you need to get the energy of the guests going. Don't let the dance floor go empty, for example. Don't let guests get bored at wedding showers. Coax the bride out of shyness during her bachelorette party, or help her use the restroom without getting her gown dirty.

There are many times when bridesmaids have to be like one of those "Ask Me" people at museums. You need to be able to answer guests' questions, like: where's the restroom, where's the bar, is it an open bar, or can I talk to the bride (before the reception). FYI: the answer to that is NO with a few exceptions, like the parents or soon-to-be in-laws, or the groom (but through a partition perhaps?) or best man/groomsman. We know guests want to shower the bride with love and support, but having to address and meet all those people before everything gets going is just a lot of stress the bride doesn't need. There's plenty of time during the reception or receiving line to chat with the bride. There will be people who will insist their way. Bridesmaids are at times bodyguards. And, at times, bouncers (you know, like in clubs) because there are guests who bring uninvited guests who are not on the list. Oh, and get ready to do any last minute things the day of the wedding.

Yes, chismosas! Being a bridesmaid costs money. In fact, it can be very expensive. Bridesmaids pay for their entire ensemble: dress, shoes, accessories, hair, and makeup. You'd probably need a mani and pedi, too. Don't worry, I'll write a post of cost-cutting for bridesmaids! But it still costs money. Bridesmaids also help pay for the wedding shower, bachelorette party, and group wedding gift (if going that route).

And finally, emotional support. Bridesmaids need to be present to support the bride in every way. Planning a wedding and that time before the big day is very emotionally charged. Emotions and hormones are going to fly all over the place, not just from the bride but from everyone who wants to give their two cents. The bride will get stressed, pulled in every direction, exhausted, and even confused. Bridesmaids need to suck up whatever drama and issue they're going through and be there for the bride. Don't like the bridesmaid dress? Suck it up, even if you are paying for it. Be a graceful woman and don't complain.

Still up to be a bridesmaid? It's tough to say no unless you've got a commitment you can't get out of. And I'm not trying to discourage anyone from becoming a bridesmaid, but having to worry about an uncooperative bridesmaid or one who doesn't do squat is more burden than anything else. If you're going to be a bridesmaid, just remember to do the best you can for the bride and the beginning of her happily ever after.