Sorry, You're Not on the List

My parents had a big white wedding. They had almost 400 guests. Their wedding reception was the biggest event the hotel's ever hosted, and there was an overflow room. Why? Because many of the people who showed up weren't invited, but they weren't turned away. My mother says it's the culture. I smile and tell her I'm going to have a bouncer at my wedding. She says go ahead.

My bride had a guest list close to 400. We worked to getting it down to around 300, before she added 25ish more people.

My mother was right about wedding guests. It's the culture, but it's also human nature. Everyone loves a good party, and nobody wants to step on anybody's toes. Plus, an upcoming marriage can be a source of pride (not necessarily in a negative way). Parents want to show off their happy children, and why not? A wedding is a life changing milestone. It carries so much expectations: new beginning, new connections, new family, new generation, continuing/extending the family name, etc. And of course, there's amore. People love to celebrate love.

The bride can have a hard time figuring out who to put on the guest list, especially if there are people talking in her ear. In many cultures (mine included), family members have to reservations in telling you who to invite. They will pressure you to invite people you've never even met. Then there's the fear of offending someone even if you haven't seen/spoken to him/her in years. So you send an invitation anyway. Then there are those people you barely know but constantly see (like people at work, an organization, or church). Do you invite them? And if they're not invited, will your relationship be awkward?

I've heard a joking comment to burn some bridges to cut down the guest list. Funny, but don't actually do this. The first step is to learn how to say no. It's the bride's wedding day and she doesn't have to invite people she doesn't want to invite. Sometimes brides forget this. I had to toughen up when cutting down the guest list. My bride didn't mind. She wanted it cut down, but couldn't, bless her heart. I think, sometimes mohs and bridesmaids have to toughen up and say no for their brides. We can take the heat of the pressure or offended people.

Some people say the wedding is for family and friends. I disagree. If it was for the family and friends, they'd all pitch in to pay for it. Hahaha! But think about it. The couple can celebrate any way they want. It's their choice. They can even choose to elope. They have control over how big or small their wedding will be. It may not be easy to have a short list, but it's possible.

So what to do with extra guests? Here are some ideas.

1. Turn them away. A simple, "Sorry, you're not on the list" should suffice. Oh they may throw a tantrum, but what are they going to do? Storm the castle? Actually, they'll most likely turn to the parents or to the actual bride or groom because they think they have some pull. And sometimes, they do. So here's where everyone's going to need to grow a backbone. Whoever is handling the guests must have the wedding party's support. No means no across the board.

2. Allow them in for the ceremony only. Usually, there would be room in the ceremony, but none in the reception because of cost and availability of food. So those extra guests can watch the couple marry, but won't be there for the party.

3. Allow them in after dinner. This means they don't eat, but they can party. They can join in the dance and see any special parts of the reception program that hasn't happened yet. And they can see the couple off.

4. Have an overflow room. If the couple can afford it, if the place has accommodations, and if the caterers can pull it off, then it might help to prepare for the unexpected.

5. Make them wait. Some guests who said they were coming don't show up for a number of reasons. Extra guests can take their place, especially for the dinner, which is already paid for. These guests, however, have to wait (to make sure the reserved guest isn't just running late), and can't complain. Chances are, they won't be seated next to whoever they came with and they won't get the dinner they want (they may want beef but get chicken instead). If going this route, whoever is handling the seating (or front desk as we like to call it), have to stand their ground if for example: the extra guests want to switch with another guest, or want a better table, or the reserved guest who brought said extra guest doesn't want to leave that person waiting by him/herself. As the saying goes...give them an inch, and they'll take a mile.

For the upcoming wedding, I just know there will be extra guests showing up. It's the culture. People bring extra people. I've got some ladies assigned to work the front desk. They're young, but they tell me they don't have a problem showing anyone the door. Maybe the impetuousness of youth would come into play? I hope so because with over 300 guests, it can be hard to manage.